“Sorry kid… it’s pretty much a squash match.”

“What!? Aww man…” I can barely conceal my despair. “Seriously? You guys call me in from the indies and my first match is gonna be a squash? You gotta be kidding me…"

“Sorry if you got the wrong impression, dude. But here’s the thing, the higher-ups want to push the business in a new direction – they want to start doing intergender matches,” says the guy with the clipboard, his headset framing his unenthused expression.

“Oh no sweat, I’ve done that plenty of times on the indie circuit. What’s the big holdup though, why bring in a new guy? Surely you have a few jobbers lying around…”

“Yeah, but…” the clipboard man frowns, “y’see, there have been some problems concerning her gimmick. Most of our guys are married, and…” he pauses, before telling me “well, you’ll see when you get in the ring. Look, we’re almost out of time, just… let her get you on the ground and she’ll take over from there. Just make sure you sell it, ok?”

“What’s that supposed to mean? What kind of gimmick? Well shit, a paycheck’s a paycheck. Let’s get this over with.” I grumble as I prepare to step out onto the entrance ramp. I can hear the crowd going wild, chanting “PROUDMANE!! PROUDMANE!!” That must be who I’m up against. They seem pretty hyped up. She must be a pretty big deal. Can’t say I’ve ever heard of her though.

“Alright, it’s time. Head on out there, kid. Don’t worry about amping up the crowd, it’s not you they’re interested in anyway.”

“Gee, thanks…! Got any more compliments?” Frustrated, I strut out onto the entrance ramp, eyeing up the packed stadium crowd. They seem to have settled down though. Seems like they really don’t care too much after all. I walk down the ramp and slide into the ring. My music (generic as all hell) cuts out and I turn around, awaiting my opponent.

As Proudmane’s music hits, the crowd erupts into thunderous applause. A few seconds later, a tall muscular woman strides out onto the ramp, with a long, voluminous mane of hair flowing down over her black latex outfit. She valiantly makes her way down into the ring and, standing about a foot taller than me, stares me down with a slight imposing smile.

The bell rings and we lock into a grapple. Her hair flutters over my arms, causing me to gasp and lose my grip. She mutters under her breath, “Irish whip, bounce off the ropes, hair whip to the ground. Got that?” Before I have time to respond, she throws me into the ropes, and on the rebound, swings the full length of her hair at me, its weight hitting me square in the face, neck and shoulders, forcefully slamming me backwards onto the mat. The crowd goes nuts, and not because I was overselling it – her hair was doing all the work!

As I lie on the ground, Proudmane straddles my waist and flips her hair above my head. She slowly crawls backwards, dragging all of her hair achingly down my chest and stomach. I moan softly as the silky waves flow over me, until she flips her hair back up and postures to the entranced crowd. She tosses her hair down at me several times, lashing my sensitized body all over. It stings, tickles, and oddly arouses me.

She straddles me once again and shakes her hair left and right across my nipples. I laugh as the fluffy little ripples tease me, my body warming erotically in response. She continues sweeping her soft, sensuous hair left and right, moving an inch lower every few sweeps. Her hair passes over my ribs, making me giggle uncontrollably, and then my sensitive stomach, tickling even more but feeling incredible.

After teasing me a little longer, she pulls my legs on top of her shoulders and stands up, pulling me up with her, dangling straight down. She locks my arms behind her knees and flips her hair in front of her, covering my entire body with the tips flicking across my face. She swishes it left and right a few times, its full length caressing every inch of my upper body. The sensation is heavenly, but I can’t savour it for too long – she promptly flicks her hair back behind her and dives forward, slamming me face down into the canvas. I roll over onto my back as she throws her hair on top of me one last time. The ref counts… “One… two… THREE!!”

The bell rings and Proudmane’s music plays once again. The fans are totally enthralled. A male voice calls out from the crowd, “Do that to me!! Please!!” Heh, the fella’s right to be envious – not of those nasty bumps I had to take, but Proudmane’s hair felt incredible. Her name certainly rings true.

After the match, Proudmane approaches me backstage. Constrasting her in-ring demeanour, she smiles warmly and offers me a handshake. “Hey there! Thanks for coming in at such short notice. Sorry that your first match had to be a squash, but all our own jobbers chickened out.”

“Man… those guys don’t know what they’re missing! That hair stuff was incredible!” I exclaim.

“Hehee, thanks! But to be honest, you were great out there! You really sold it!” She praises.

“Oh? I didn’t ‘sell’ anything aside from the Irish whip. Everything else was totally legit.”

“It was? Really? Wow… so, my hair had quite the effect on you, huh?” She bemuses.

“Absolutely… it was unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. Where’d you come up with those moves?”

“To be honest… I didn’t. It all came from the writers’ room. I guess I just had the right hair for the job… the crowd seemed to love it though… as did you.” She winks. “Hey… wanna see what else I can do with my hair? Come with me…” She lures me into an unoccupied office and locks the door behind us. She pushes me down into a chair and pulls my spandex shorts down.

“Hey, what the-“ my bewildered yelp is suddenly interrupted as she buries my midsection in a soft mound of hair. “Ohhhh my…” I moan as she swirls her head around, letting her luscious locks massage my genitalia. “Wow… I bet the writers didn’t come up with this…!”

“Nope, this one’s all mine… how does it feel?”

“Incredible, Proudmane… holy shit…” I exhale as my goods twitch in pleasure.

“Oh, you can call me Diana outside the ring, baby.” She swirls a little bit faster, teasing my shaft to the point of exhaustion. After 10 minutes or so, I burst with love, seeping my seed into her tresses. As I bask in the afterglow, she tells me, “That was so much fun! Wouldn’t you agree?” I simply nod. “I thought so! I’ll put in a good word with the higher-ups, you deserve a proper debut after all that.” She blows me a kiss before leaving the room.

A week later, I get an email from a company executive. True to her word, Diana managed to persuade them to give me another shot. Looks like I’m in the big leagues after all!